When
She cannot
Sleep alone at night
Misses him
Then
*
When
She ponders
Over their memories
Feeling good
Then
*
When
She slumbers
A nightmare breaks it
Anxiety kicks
Then
*
When
She decides
To call up some friends
None answer
Then
*
When
She hears
Doorbell ring and finds
Him there
Then
*
When
She embraces
Him tightly and sobs
Feeling better
Then
*
When
Suddenly he
Falls dead in her arms
She freezes
Then
26 comments:
Not the happiest tale! :(
For some strange reasons, I liked the way it ended. This has a beautiful flow and well structured in execution. Nice
even I like the way you have ended.Nicely done.
The structure is just amazing.Tragic end, but that is how it is :)
Beautiful and haunting. The ending, although a complete surprise, is perfect.
Love this poem, tragedy and all!
hey just want to add few lines in it...
Then…I closed my eyes,
My tears rolled straight to the floor,
All I wanted was to feel something more,
I was torn inside,
Knowing I would never see him again.
beautiful way of writing, really. I want to learn this! :D teach me!
End was something I just didn't want.
I am one of those who can embrace separation but not this
Beautifully written though :)
Yes, I wish it wouldn't, but it always does when I see the end :-/
Thanks !
It's called Joseph's Star :)
Wow... Your lines make a poem in itself :)
Thanks Morgan, you've been very supportive.
Thank you so much! Yes, somehow in my head it always ends this way .. Dark :-/
Yes, this structure was challenging but worth it, thanks!
Me too ;) thanks a lot!
Many thanks Ankit.. I loved writing it.
Yeah I know :( but in darkness there's life too..
you are having so much fun !! :D
And i love reading you
its like song with perfect begnng and with an awsm ending...nyc wrk
Oh yes. This felt good to write :) thanks!
Really? Thanks yaar .. Feels good when you approve..
:-) Octpowrimo has actually kicked it off for you! Good read!!
Cheers!!
Nave
It sure has :)
This is sad, very sad.
Like peeling yourself, and introducing us to what lies hidden inside this story.
Abhinav :)
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