Sunday, October 06, 2013

No One There (Day 6)

When
She cannot
Sleep alone at night
Misses him
Then
*
When
She ponders
Over their memories
Feeling good
Then
*
When
She slumbers
A nightmare breaks it
Anxiety kicks
Then
*
When
She decides
To call up some friends
None answer
Then
*
When
She hears
Doorbell ring and finds
Him there
Then
*
When
She embraces
Him tightly and sobs
Feeling better
Then
*
When
Suddenly he
Falls dead in her arms
She freezes
Then

26 comments:

Shah Wharton said...

Not the happiest tale! :(

Anonymous said...

For some strange reasons, I liked the way it ended. This has a beautiful flow and well structured in execution. Nice

TO TOUCH THE HORIZON said...

even I like the way you have ended.Nicely done.

Sunita said...

The structure is just amazing.Tragic end, but that is how it is :)

alfred booth said...

Beautiful and haunting. The ending, although a complete surprise, is perfect.

Morgan Dragonwillow said...

Love this poem, tragedy and all!

mayank said...

hey just want to add few lines in it...

Then…I closed my eyes,
My tears rolled straight to the floor,
All I wanted was to feel something more,
I was torn inside,
Knowing I would never see him again.


Unknown said...

beautiful way of writing, really. I want to learn this! :D teach me!

Lady Whispers said...

End was something I just didn't want.
I am one of those who can embrace separation but not this
Beautifully written though :)

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Yes, I wish it wouldn't, but it always does when I see the end :-/
Thanks !

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

It's called Joseph's Star :)

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Wow... Your lines make a poem in itself :)

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Thanks Morgan, you've been very supportive.

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Thank you so much! Yes, somehow in my head it always ends this way .. Dark :-/

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Yes, this structure was challenging but worth it, thanks!

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Me too ;) thanks a lot!

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Many thanks Ankit.. I loved writing it.

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Yeah I know :( but in darkness there's life too..

Pratibha said...

you are having so much fun !! :D
And i love reading you

Life through my eyes ....... said...

its like song with perfect begnng and with an awsm ending...nyc wrk

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Oh yes. This felt good to write :) thanks!

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Really? Thanks yaar .. Feels good when you approve..

Nave said...

:-) Octpowrimo has actually kicked it off for you! Good read!!

Cheers!!
Nave

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

It sure has :)

Abhinav Chandel said...

This is sad, very sad.

Like peeling yourself, and introducing us to what lies hidden inside this story.

Sonalika Chaturvedi said...

Abhinav :)